True but thats because hes a fetus.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
