she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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