I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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