i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
