why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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