can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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