so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
