Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need to calm my uterus...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
