proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
