i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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