I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
