I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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