i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
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Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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