I wish I only lived at night.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
