did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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