Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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