they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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