brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
