i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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