and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
