I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
