You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
