How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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