he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
