Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
