I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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