The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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