we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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