So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
