Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
