Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
