Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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