today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The ass gains better be worth it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
