I hate your face
Sponge bath it is.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
