so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
