God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
