she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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