These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
