I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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