1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
