Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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