dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
