I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
