who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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