It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
