If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
