Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
