I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
