Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
