if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize