he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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