We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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