I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
