I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize