Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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