"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
