Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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