Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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