Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
