if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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