i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
