Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
