just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize