My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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