Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
