If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
