You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
