I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
