just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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