need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
