Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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