What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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