Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
