im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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