He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
