so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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