the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
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you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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