i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
