Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
