so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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