I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
