I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
