Nicole vs. Life
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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